Lara hati~

Do we really need to watch drama to see drama? While if we look around our neighborhood or friends, their life including ours are already full of it. 

  

Other than drama and movies, I used to love watching music videos. I memorized most songs during my teenage years abandoning the science, history and chemistry books/formulas. I look back feeling what a bonehead I’ve been. But I have no regrets. My teenage life was full of drama and sadly I let it continue until I’ve become an adult. 

People meddling into my life, continue making my decisions and telling me this and that. Dictating how I’m suppose to act. Not letting go the teenage rebel I was. The story keeps on rewinding every time I did something funny or faulty. And the sad part was I let them get to me. 

After taking a bold step, I am trying to straighten up my life back. Doing post mortem of my previous life phase, I can conclude that the main factors that lead to ruin my own life was due to INTERNAL DEFICIENCIES.

I lack of so many things inside~

• Strong foundation of Islamic knowledge

•  Characters (Self confident, firmness)

• Self motivation and self driven

• Specific goals

People sees me as successful because I graduated with an above average CGPA, had a job with a top notch company. But due to the above deficiencies, at one POOF. Everything’s gone in a jiffy.

I hate conflicts. I run from problems, never faced them. So at a certain age, all that will eventually caught up with you. And when it happened to me, I froze, dumbfounded and fall flat on my face.  OUCH.

I cannot sustain my success due to my inconsistency and internal well being. I am constantly influenced by my surroundings. I remember one Ustaz mentioned in his speech, try to like the fish in the ocean, despite living in salty waters, it never taste salty, EVER! (i.e. don’t change due to environment)

But Alhamdulillah, Allah has given me the opportunity to bounce back. I wasted almost 3 years of my life, putting my marriage into jeopardy. But the life lessons I’ve learned, felt like I’ve graduated for a diploma of domestic chaos. 

Thus I have made up a analogy, back then, I was so concern about building reputation and status, not focusing on what’s lacking inside. I was so concern how people perceive me. Eager for recognition, praise and acknowledgement. But the one main thing I forgot was the ultimate supreme being that I need to seek attention is ALLAH s.w.t.

If you can make a comparison between a balloon that has been fully decorated on the outside and a ball of steel (construction steel). Both are round (flexible) but the balloon once poked even with a tiny pin, goes bursting. Whereas the ball made of steel hardly budge by a tiny pin. 

                                       (pictures were googled)

To put that in perspective, I have to build myself inside out. Fill my internal needs for knowledge, spiritual and religious well being. The core of me. Then only I can become a strong and successful person that will not be intimidated or manipulated by people. Plus I will have a clear goal which is to become a better muslimah.

Previously, I parade myself with status and external look. Which did not last at all.

So, be that ball of steel rather than the cute balloon that everyone wants at the beginning but once burst, people would throw it away.

Dan apa jua (harta benda dan lain-lainnya) yang diberikan kepada kamu, maka adalah ia merupakan kesenangan hidup di dunia dan perhiasannya; dalam pada itu, apa jua yang ada di sisi Allah (yang disediakan untuk orang-orang yang beriman dan taat) adalah ia lebih baik dan lebih kekal; maka mengapa kamu tidak mahu memahaminya? (Al-Qasas 28:60)

 
Harta benda dan anak pinak itu, ialah perhiasan hidup di dunia; dan amal-amal soleh yang kekal faedahnya itu lebih baik pada sisi Tuhanmu sebagai pahala balasan, dan lebih baik sebagai asas yang memberi harapan. 
(Al-Kahfi 18:46)

 

Ketahuilah bahawa (yang dikatakan) kehidupan dunia itu tidak lain hanyalah (bawaan hidup yang berupa semata-mata) permainan dan hiburan (yang melalaikan) serta perhiasan (yang mengurang), juga (bawaan hidup yang bertujuan) bermegah-megah di antara kamu (dengan kelebihan, kekuatan, dan bangsa keturunan) serta berlumba-lumba membanyakkan harta benda dan anak pinak; (semuanya itu terhad waktunya) samalah seperti hujan yang (menumbuhkan tanaman yang menghijau subur) menjadikan penanamnya suka dan tertarik hati kepada kesuburannya, kemudian tanaman itu bergerak segar (ke suatu masa yang tertentu), selepas itu engkau melihatnya berupa kuning; akhirnya ia menjadi hancur bersepai; dan (hendaklah diketahui lagi, bahawa) di akhirat ada azab yang berat (di sediakan bagi golongan yang hanya mengutamakan kehidupan dunia itu), dan (ada pula) keampunan besar serta keredaan dari Allah (disediakan bagi orang-orang yang mengutamakan akhirat). Dan (ingatlah, bahawa) kehidupan dunia ini tidak lain hanyalah kesenangan bagi orang-orang yang terpedaya. (Al-Hadiid 57:20)

May we become a better person in Dunia for the sake of our HereAfter, Akhirat~ Amin Ya Rabbal a'lamin.